She’s Gone…

I’ve not written anything for a while because I really have no words right now. On 22nd May I posted concern about my mum talking to herself. Loads happened after that day but the most shocking was that she passed away 3 days later.

As I sit here trying to act grown up and sort everything out, my mind keeps asking could she have been saved? Her last few days were awful and I saw it all. Her very last day was horrific and it’s all I can think about.

I’m trying desperately to get on with things, even crafting to forget but it’s always there.

Real Scary Times

I caught my mum talking to herself today. I asked her who she was talking to and she told me my daughter. The little legs was out on the front balcony with me and her dad as he was picking her up for the day… She’s been saying some random things that don’t really make sense to me for a few days now but this is concerning. It’s as if she’s seeing situations that just aren’t there. She’s also started twitching. It used to only happen in her sleep but now she’s slumped to one side in the armchair (a special recliner that the palliative nurses organised for her) and it’s as if she can’t control her muscles. I’m going to keep an eye on what’s happening and then go from there. She seemed as though she was getting better but witnessing what I’m seeing right now does not look good

When your body is just a ticking time bomb

The palliative care nurse came and had a private chat with me (just one of a number of visitors for the day). When they originally gave me the prognosis, I was told my mum probably didn’t have years left. The nurse re-confirmed it for me today that they believe it’s really only a matter of months. Signs being that as she gets more ill, her body won’t want to eat or drink and the swallow reflex will disappear meaning she’ll not be able to take her medication properly. I make all her tea, drinks, snacks & meals and more often than not, they are still there hours later until I tidy them up. I even went and bought her a McDonald’s in because I know usually she’s guaranteed to eat that. She didn’t.